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Hey, and good morning to another episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast. It is your man, Terry. It has been a minute since I've done one of these. And, you know, I'm going to try to dive into the mental health portion of this. I know I've gone through a lot and my mental health has gone up and down. And be that this month is minority mental health month. So I really want to get into that and just talk about some things that I've gone through.
Welcome to another episode of the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast. This podcast was designed to let you know that you aren't the only one that took forever to get it together. So the rabbit hole that you have stumbled down will hopefully help you understand that just when you think it's over, it's only the beginning. Just because you were dealt a bad hand doesn't mean you have to keep it. Welcome to the Knucklehead Chronicles podcast.
All right, I'm back, man. Yo, happy July. Man, this year is going by extremely fast. Like, if you guys have noticed, January 1st came in, man. Now we're looking down the barrel of August, man. Jesus Christ, kids back in school here next month. Man, so much stuff is going on. But I am going to get into a little bit of my mental health update. A lot of things have happened. And just to give you guys who haven't listened to this podcast a little bit of a recap. Went through a divorce in July. Or not. But January, first of the year. And it was tough. It was tough on a brother who, you know, made some bad choices. But still has a good heart.
So now, here in July. A lot of things have changed. I had to change my mentality and the way I moved and the way I did things. And I had to put some folks in my rear view. Sometimes putting people in your rear view is the hardest thing to do, but it's the most necessary thing to do. Because you have to, you know, I had to get to a place where I had to protect my peace. Because nobody's going to protect your peace, but you. Ain't nobody going to do it for you. You got to pick your own beat.
And so I woke up one morning and like I said, those of you who have been listening know that I dealt with some, you know, depression and, you know, some suicidal thoughts. And I had to text 988 a couple of times. And those of you listening, if you don't know what 988 is, that's the suicide prevention hotline. And if you're going through anything and need somebody to talk to, you can definitely, you know, it used to be back in the day, you used to have to call them. But now they have it to where you can text them and you can text the number at 988 and you can get someone on the line that will walk you through, you know, talk you through things. And they'll even call the police for you if need be. So I suggest that. It helped me out of a couple of bouts of depression that I had. And I had some very, very, very dark thoughts and I had to, you know, text that number to get some help.
But, you know, a couple months removed from that, you know, now I just work. I work to keep my mind up with a lot of things. I do try to go out and, you know, put my face out there and just kind of get that outside interaction. And, again, everything that I'm going to say today is for those who are battling right now. Because the problem that we have is that we don't want to help other people. Excuse me, we don't want to tell our story. We don't want to, you know, because we feel like we don't do it out of fear of rejection or fear of judgment from people.
And for me, it doesn't matter because I have a story to tell. Now, whether you judge me, laugh at me, whatever it is that you feel about me, you know you can kind of you know you can have it you know I'm saying because it's still my at the end of the day it's still my story and it's still your story and despite whether or not you believe, that what your story that your story can help somebody it absolutely can it absolutely can, I've gotten dms and inboxes from people that said you know your last podcast episode really helped me. And then for that, you know, I do this podcast thing part-time. And, you know, even though I should be pursuing it full-time, I'm not because I work. I work for a living.
Just a few things real quick that I've gone through. The first thing is learning how to put people in your review. That's the first thing. Putting people in your review mirror. you know once you once you come to a place where, your peace is everything once you get to a place you know once you've been to the depth of hell it feels like once you've been to a place of hell you know, once you come out of that and you get to a place of being able to function, everything else in life means nothing it absolutely means nothing and I say that with with a level of respect because the level of peace we have to reside in. Sometimes takes us to where we have to throw people in the back.
Because, you know, I heard Trent Shelton, excuse me, the famous positive country creator who was an ex-football player and all that, lost his mom a few years back. And he's really been a positive mentor. And he said, you cannot, you cannot heal in the same place you got cut. That is the truest statement I've ever heard in my life. And even when it's dark and people have something to say, everybody got something to say, because understand this, as a man, you're always the bad guy in somebody's story, always. Please know that, right?
And I realized that I could not hold on to those same relationships that I had when I was married. There are a lot of people that we share friends with that after the split and after the divorce, I can no longer be friends with because they sided with her more than they sided with me. And at the end of the day, it's not about size, but that's what it comes down to sometimes in this society. It comes down to whose story I believe, who I ride with the most. And that's the problem. With a lot of people and so for that everybody that i knew and ran with with my ex, And, you know, you chose to side, quote unquote, with her. Listen, I am not, hey, I'm not going to be mad at you, you know. I applaud you for taking a side and all that. I applaud it. So this is what I do for the people that are exiting my life. Sayonara sayonara right that is the old saying goes case of ross and ross all those at the same time those folks that have sided with her and asked her to say about me this is what i say to you oh don't be like that if i had a rock i'll bust your head a bitch saying that she deaf, you know? So you guys can go ahead and be exit stage left while I care about it. Anyways, but it's very important to put people, negative people, people who got something to say in your rear view because the protection of peace will become more important than anything.
In my journey, that's what I'm learning. I'm learning that protecting my peace is important. And I've also sat back and I looked and I realized that I let a lot of people influence how I move even when I was married. And sometimes and you get to that point where I don't want to move that way no more I don't want to be that guy anymore and so in my journey I had to take my peace and let me tell you something about taking that peace once you once you get a taste of it you don't want nothing else and And it is liberating, to say the least, to be able to get up, you know, and move on my own steam and not have to worry about what anyone else has to say. Somebody has always got something to say. So if you listen to this, you're going through a mental health journey, you're learning, you have to put people in your rear view, especially if you want to protect your peace. Right? That's the first thing I want to talk about.
Second thing is that I, in my personal mental health journey, I've had to, you know, I almost lost my faith in people because, you know, people are amazing, especially when it's about them and them only. And I'll say it's amazing how people move and I'll give you an example and I said I was not going to bring this up in any podcast episode or even address it but I got to because I don't like what happened okay it's a story a couple months ago I went to Kansas City no let me back up a step a couple months ago. I had been following this guy on Instagram. He was a barber. And really cool dude, right? You know, I loved his content. It went by the name of Dr. Honcho, or those of you on social media may know him as Sly Honcho, S-L-Y.Honcho on Instagram. Really cool dude. Supported him. You know, I drove. I lived two and a half hours from Kansas City, so that's where he is. I thought he was in Atlanta. Now, when I took this bio, I realized that he was in Kansas City. So I said, I'm going to get my hair cut by this dude. Now, his haircuts are extremely expensive. I mean, you know, if anybody had followed me on Facebook, saw the video, he cut my hair for $150 to get a haircut, right? But because of the experience and because of how I felt after the haircut, I supported him, did everything that I could, you know.
And so I got the haircut, came back home, like a million bucks, whatever, whatever. My friend, those of you who have listened to a couple of episodes before, my friend Courtney, came in and she actually paid for me to get a haircut the second time. Now, in between the two haircuts, he did a camera giveaway or a raffle or a camera giveaway. And it was a Rebel R1 or whatever series camera it was and a tripod. So, excuse me, I went ahead and bought six rapper tickets and it was 20 bucks. It's nothing. It's to still support him and what he was doing. So I bought six rapper tickets. A couple of weeks after the second haircut, I get tagged in a Facebook video where he had announced the winner of this camera and this tripod. Lo and behold, it was me. I was like, oh my God, I want a camera and a tripod. So I reached out to him on Instagram. I was like, hey, this is my address. And no response. Excuse me. I let a couple movies go by. It began on Instagram. At this point, he had done went to Atlanta, did a video, and again, mentioned me in Atlanta in that Atlanta video because he was just recapping what was going on in his life. So I hit him again on Instagram. I was like, hey man, when do I get my camera? You know, he was like, oh, I just got back from Atlanta. It should go out next week. All right, cool.
It is July 12th, 13th. I'm sorry, July 13th. And next week has not come. You know what I'm saying? So I hit him up on Facebook and apparently his Facebook profile is banned, but he's still uploading videos. I'm not sure how that works. And hit him up on Instagram about three or four more times. No response. He went silent on Instagram. I even tried to hit him on the barbering app style seat to get a message and, you know, nothing. I've got nothing. And I looked right through my timeline to see if it was because I, of course, if he tagged me in the video, it would be on my timeline. I went back on my timeline, looked, and the video that he had tagged me in was deleted. Gone. I was like, okay. You know? And so, again, reached out to him, reached out to him, you know. And the kind of the type of barber shop that he has because he's a traveling barber you can't call the shop and talk to the barber you know if you google the if you google the barber shop, you can't call the shop so unless you have his personal number you can't get to him so, i waited and waited and waited for a response hit him back ready for a response it's been, that was april so that's been a couple months now and i still have not received the camera.
Now, I said all that to say this. Some people aren't who they say they are. And for me, that hurt me because I supported this dude. Everything he does, I supported him. And I won that raffle fair and square. He did the drawing. He did the plucking of the ticket online for, you know, and And I went to Van Square and I still hit it July 13th. And I have not seen that camera or tripod or not received any kind of message from him. The last message I received from him was he had came back from Atlanta and the camera should have went out or it should go out next week. That's been sent. That's when I was back in April and I've not heard anything. So, again, I said all that to say this, that people, I lost my faith in people. I've had some instances where I tried to be a supportive friend to some folks and they took my friendship and was like, oh, you have an agenda, you got this, you got that going on. And I'm like, what? I'm just trying to be supportive. And nothing. And I was told I was all kind of crazy and I had some kind of agenda. And I'm like, you know what? I'm done. I even had an instance with my ex-wife where we got into a very lengthy texting, sparring match via text. And then I was like halfway through that and I was like, you know what? Why am I arguing with you? We're divorced. We are divorced. You have gone back to your last name. We have nothing else to talk about. If it's not about Terry Jr., we ain't got nothing to talk about.
And so again, it's about putting negative in your rear view. And I had to learn that. And that's where I am in my mental health journey is having to learn how to put folks in the rearview mirror, life is hard enough. It really is. It's hard enough when you have to, especially after divorce, because you go from having a full-time family and doing what you're supposed to do for your family to not having a family and then having to deal with life in that arena, trying to keep your mental health straight. I try not to be phony when I deal with people. I try to be really real with people. And let them know how I'm really feeling and trying to deal with the emotions because being fake does nothing, right? At the end of the day, when you're left with your own devices and you have to deal with yourself, it's crazy and it's a hard place to be. And with me, I had to just cut all of that out. I had to cut out, I had to cut the negative people out. I've had to really deal with Terry because sometimes, you know, sometimes we don't want to deal with us. You know we didn't want to deal with us we want to put blame on everybody else nope that's not that because that's not how it's supposed to be you got to deal with you and I realized that you know I made some bad choices I hurt some folks you know over time. But you know, It is at a place, I'm at a place in my life, in my mental health journey, that my peace and my happiness comes before anything or anybody else. It has to, because if it does not, you will not survive it. If we don't wake up, if we don't wake up and realize that our peace is more important than anything or anybody, you will be swallowed up by this stuff. You'll be swallowed up by negativity. You'll be swallowed up by nonsense. You'll be swallowed up by negative people. And it will just destroy you. So if you're listening to this, make a decision today that when I wake up in the morning, just make a decision at any point. Make a decision. My peace is important. At the end of the day, my happiness is important. You know, stop trying to live for other people. That's the mistake that I made too. Live for other people. Stop doing that. Because what is that going to do? It's going to make you trying to live with other people and you're missing the mark with that person and you're trying to do the same thing with someone else. It's a recipe for disaster all day long. All day long, it's a recipe for disaster. And at some point, you got to say, you know what? I got to live for me and whoever comes into my life has to fit in that mold. If they don't fit into that mold, then you got to move on to the next thing because you cannot, you absolutely cannot not, try to live for other people. It doesn't work. It just doesn't work. Because if you live for other people, you forget. That's another problem with people is that we try to live for other people and we lose ourselves trying to be something for somebody else. When we're not doing the old William Shakespeare saying to thine own self, be true. You have to be true to yourself first. Because if someone cannot accept you for who you are, you don't need them anyway. And it is time to move on.
So my episode today is dedicated to the ones who are listening and who are going through and can't figure out how to get from one step to the other. First of all, sister or brother, breathe. Right. Trauma hurts and you have to breathe. If you break your arm and go to the ER and you're hyperventilating, then they're going to tell you is to breathe. That's the first step in the healing process. Right. The second is the purge. You have to purge yourself of the evil and the nonsense and the bullshit and all of that. You have to purge yourself because you can't recover from a mental health incident trying to hold on to the old stuff. It does not work. It goes back to the definition of insanity. What is that? The definition of insanity is trying to do the same thing over and over again, expecting a definite result. It's not going to happen. and you are going to have to make some changes, throw some people out, look in the mirror, forgive yourself. I've always said that. Forgive yourself because ain't nobody else going to do it. Right? And as angry as I was at my ex, as angry as I was at the world when I went through my divorce, I realized that 98% of the stuff that I went through with my divorce was my fault. I'm not going to take the whole blame now. I'm not
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